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It is Friday. That means that I've completed my first week at my old job after my maternity leave. I look back on this first week with mixed feelings and I'm extremely nervous about the future. A lot has already changed and there are still more changes to come for me and my family.
I don't know how my Instagram account and illustrating in general will continue.
Will I still find the time and inspiration to draw? Or will I have to give up the dream of illustrating children's books? After working hard to get seen and build skills for over two years, it makes me very sad that I might have to give it all up.
I've been on a roller coaster of emotions the past few days and have been considering starting a blog to share my experiences with you. I'm still unsure, but here we are. Whether it will be something regular or one off thing, I can't say yet.
But I don't just want to whine here. I especially want to share this with you because I know I'm not the only one plagued by fears, doubts and insecurities. Your reasons and thoughts may not be the same.
Now, for me, art is a kind of valve to let out all the negative feelings. Usually, drawing relaxes me and makes me happy. But since a while, I could just burst. I want to draw, crochet, knit, embroider, read and all at once. I want to do and try so many things and then I sit there and don't know where to start. The result is often that I don't do any of it at all. But even when I'm not doing anything, my mind is all about drawing or being creative. So it's not really a break for me, but a break certainly wouldn't hurt me. It feels a bit like an addiction. Is there an addiction to drawing?
When I do scribble or draw, my motifs are not the usual kidlit illustrations, but rather spooky drawings with little ghosts or skulls and preferably in black ink. Does my mood affect my drawings? It can be!
Do you only draw things that fit into your Instagram feed or do you also have some that you don't post because it just doesn't fit your usual style? Is there something you would like to show the world but are afraid it might not be liked or you might lose followers because of it?
When I started my account, I named it Ninas_Creativecorner (or actually Ninas_Creativeroom) because I wanted to post everything I made myself. Be it amigurumi and other crochet works, motif cakes and of course drawings.
But it changed quickly and I only posted drawings. The pressure to post regularly increased and my willingness to experiment decreased. But I'm afraid that's exactly the reason for art blocks and severely limits one's own creativity.
I could go on writing forever, but I'll draw a line here.
Now I would be very interested in your experiences. Are you happy with your creations or do you already create a lot just to feed the InstaMonster?
I hope that after the summer I'll be more motivated again, that I'll have coped well with all the changes and that I'll have new routines by then.
I hope you are well and wish you a wonderful August!
Nina X
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